Withered Roots Begin to Grow

Fly Me to the Moon

2005-11-10T20:02:00.000-08:00

Not too much occurred yesterday. I went job-searching and once again came back empty handed. Had a Lost party over at my apartment. Lots of fun and excitement. I guess one surprise was when Shannon died on the show. Today God surprised me. Ryan hasn't been talking to me at all, and he was leaving for DC late this afternoon for a trip I was supposed to be on with him- to visit his best friend. His best friend's wife is having her labor induced tomorrow morning. . .it's a baby girl! Anyways, before he left for DC, he came by B & N to give me some money for food for this weekend. And he brought me some chocolate. He is pretty much the best ex-boyfriend I've ever had. And I'm so happy God surprised me with his visit today, because I was feeling quite down. I am not allowing myself to write anything lengthy tonight, because I have so much work to do before I leave for Sharktop Mountain with the YoungLifers tomorrow afternoon.

Please continue to surprise me and ignite my heart for You.

A Hard Day's Night

2005-11-09T03:33:00.000-08:00

So. . .this post won't be too long because I have to be at work in just a few hours, and my eyes are exhausted (as well as my body and heart and brain). So, today God surprised me in a few ways. First of all, I was stalked in Barnes and Noble by this high schooler, who, in the midst of everyone within earshot, decided to ask me for my phone number. I am rather sensitive to stuff like this, because I never want to hurt anyone's feelings. So, this is what I did: I told him that I wasn't interested, but that he could have my e-mail address if he really wanted it. Then, another guy was looking fairly lost (mid-20's this time) so although I had just clocked out, I grasped for an opportunity to lead me out of this horrifying situation.

"Can I help you sir?"

Thankfully, he needed to find Jarhead. My brain had not been functioning, so it took us quite awhile to find it, but luckily he saved me from my admirer. I came home tonight. Spoke with my ex-boyfriend. Don't know why, because he always ends up making me feel crappier than before we spoke. He hung up on me in the middle of my tears (because he is such a gentleman and great friend and all) and I fell onto my bed. I hadn't cried in quite awhile. . .but things are becoming so overwhelming for me. Less than a minute after he had hung up on me, my phone rang. Some faint hope rang inside of me, thinking that maybe he had re-considered his childish habit of hanging up the phone at the most inopportune times. Unfortunately, it wasn't him. Fortunately, it was someone else. A girl from work, Madonna, called. She wanted to see how I was doing and if I wanted to hang out tonight. I didn't really. But I realized that if I didn't invite her over, I would drown myself in tears. So I did. I had a good time, having someone to talk to. She left, I checked my e-mail, and Ryan had written me. Nothing I really wanted to read. I feel so lost, about absolutely everything. And I am sick. And I will be sicker in the morning, because I will only get 3 hours of sleep (which until last night was the average amount of hours slept over the past 10 or 11 days). God, I need you. Please surprise me in a good way today. Help me find a job. Surprise me with anything other than what has been happening lately. Please?

What happens next?

2005-11-07T22:17:00.000-08:00

I suppose there were a few surprises today, God. First of all, I became really sick during work tonight. Seeing as how it was my second night working with the company, I didn't want to just leave. So I prayed, asking God to help make me feel better so that I could finish off the night. He did, and I did. Secondly, King's College called me. The loan I was hoping to get- (which will pay off the remainder of my tuition and housing) I qualified for. Now I am just going to have to pray a lot, because He seems to be making everything work out so far for this school, except the part where I need to pay for food, books, car payments and transportation while attending school. I am pretty sure that I could find a job in NYC, but the problem will lie in balancing school, work, rest, and a social life. So God. . .will you continue to surprise me? I am going to pray that you surprise me in a fashion which will make me realize exactly which direction you want me to head in. THANK YOU for Life today.

New Beginnings

2005-11-07T11:28:00.000-08:00

Here goes nothing:

God, surprise me today.